Monday, February 26, 2007

Being Balbir Singh.....

"Bhaiyya mai...."
-(oh no not again!!...y God y do u do this to me....)
"Jee theek hai"
-(1 2 3 it didnt turn off today)

"bhaiyya station change karna...yeh wala nahi...102"
-(there she goes ...changing the station again..she cant control the wheel and she wants to multitask!)

"haan...hi yaar...kaisi hai"
-(damn these cell fones..the light has turned green..the cars behind are honking..hang up will u!)
"woh gaadi peechey horn maar rahi hai"
"haan haan bhaiyya ek minute...chal vidhi rakti hoon...bye"

-(ridge road..thank heavens its a straight road, no bends or turns.. smooooth)
-(wat the....)
"gaddha dekhke"

"bhaiyya parking mein dal dena"
-(Another day another ride is over and am ALIVE!!!!)

Thoughts of our driver and trusted friend, Balbir Singh ji when i am driving. He has a family to feed and no insurance policy for cover, but fought all odds to 'try' teaching me to drive. Its been 5 yrs since i got d licence, but i cant control the wheel or park or take reverse, but i can drive straight...straight into a ditch! And he still has hope.....

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

"khaney mein kya laya hai varun?"

"tera favourite, gobhi"

"jo doosron ke liye gaddha khodta hai, woh usmein khud gir jaata hai"

"pata hai mayo mein na...."

"namrata ghar se 'sussie' ke laddoo layi hai"

"mujhe kaalu bhula rahi hai, woh badla lega!!!!"

"toom log kya kar rahey ho...main bhi karrrooonga!!"

"...(silence) baat se chori.....(eternal silence)......"

Why do these thoughts keep coming back and haunt me? I saw this coming, one day we all had to part ways. But i never thought it would affect me as i have been shifting base most of my life.....Mebbe because in the past 4 1/2 years they had a powerful impact on me, the most powerful till date. They are addictive and now its the withdrawal symptoms.

....vidhi, varun, neha, akshat, dhannu, addy, vipin.....pyaas ke paranthe, 'kal-raat-ki-subzi' ke paranthe, bhaigan ka bharta....the red brick wall, the endless chit-chat in class, futile plans to go to assam, karnal kahaanis, jamunapaari jokes, fash p, rakesh sirs class, last minute moot submissions, varuns lunch, gluttony at my place (leading to depleting stocks of the months provision), mayo.......

Thursday, February 15, 2007

V-day is here again!!!

Y day I celebrated my 23rd 'single' valentines day. Actually all my V days have been 'single v days' coz I don't believe in being committed for the sake of being committed (read a passive and lazy person who hopes for a marriage broker to do the needful!). but V days have always been eventful. On one of my V days I got to know that the guy who I had a huge crush on was interested in my best friend!!! (Ouch!)

In my first v day in college I got a whole bar of chocolate from a nice friend (tho I was one of his many friends who got it- but its chocolate who cares, I jus want the whole bar to myself!!!!) and that was my one and only v day gift till date. The second V day in college, there was a huge fight among the guys (for as usual a trivial reason). Third valentine had all my friends pack ourselves to CP and watch other couples. V 4 girlfriends nearly created a rift between a couple as when his girlfriend was busy trying some outfit, the boyfriend was more interested in talking to us. Finally he left the store and she didn't buy anything. 4 th valentine in college, our results were out!!! That is my college's method of playing the moral police - release the result and dampen the sprits of most of the students. 5th valentine in college (that is yesterday) was ruined by my dads foul mood (over the ever increasing phone bill I think), thereby making my mums efforts a complete waste of time.

As for me neither do i have to do anything, neither do i feel good or bad abt wat i did... Um so happy being single on valentine…..

Sunday, February 04, 2007

this is my all time fav forward... reply to a matrimonial classified

I am an olden young uncle living only with myself in Bangaloru. Having seen your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on you and hope you will take me nicely.

I am a soiled son from inside Karnataka. I am nice and big, six foot tall and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working hardly. I am playing hardly also. Especially I like cricket and I am a good batter and I am fast baller. Whenever I come running in for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is scared of my rapid balls that bounce a lot.

I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I am jolly. I am gay.Especially ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft. I am always giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing ladies to get on top. That is how nice I am.

I am not having any bad habits. I am not drinking and I am not sucking tobacco or anything else. Every morning I am going to the gym and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb belles in the gym.

I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants is always open for you. I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only. What to do? So I am taking things into my own hands everyday.That is why I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and take my things into your hand.

If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you very hard every day. In fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in the gym. If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press you and press you until you come.

So I am placing my head between your nicely smelling feet and looking up with lots of hope. I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation

Expecting soon,

Yours and only yours

Thursday, February 01, 2007

i am biologically a female, but somewhere i wasnt blessed with that touch of feminity. i am at times jealous of those girls who can carry off anything pink and look girly and cute. my attempts at wearing pink made look like well um trying not to remember.
back when i was a kid, my folks got me a pair of shorts. i was so relieved that i no longer needed to be bothered by the breeze the next time it came, that i banned skirts and every other lowers-without-a-seat at bay. little did i know that i bade my feminity also goodbye. once ppl asked my father 'the kid' (urs truly) was a boy or a girl, as they had a bet on my gender!!!
after realisation dawned on me, every year i think that i need an extreme makeover and add that feminine touch to my personality and every year has me heading to a cosmetic store to get myself some of the following-a chocolate shower gel, a sunscreen with really high SPF, a lip balm with an exotic flavor, a face scrub, a BIG bottle of moisturising lotion blah blah.. then begin the attempts to grow my nails, leave my hair open, wear salwar kameez with open sandals.
a week later- the ants sensed the presence of "chocolate" lying in the corner of the bathroom, some tasted it and died. the sunscreen now adorns a dusty basket in my room. the fruity lip balm gives me a headache. the face scrub is getting dry. moisturising lotion is awaiting winter, when my mum will use it. my right eye has a red spot as my 'long' nail poked it accidently. my hair is cut short. my feet is black with delhi's dust. and i have a pile of kurtas and pyajamas to iron!!!
feminity anyone??