Annie McBeal

Blogging frequency has become dismally low [like anyone cares, but still] these days as I serve the society as a corporate lawyer by raising bills on firangs. I am no more ‘just a student’ and since (wo)manhours are being billed, I chose to something more productive (but if I am showered with comments I will choose blogging over billing). So everyday Annie McBeal packs herself to the office and does wonders!! Here is an excerpt of what my certificate will be:

XYZ Associates

Certificate
TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN*

(* we dont except anybody to be concerned abt her)

Miss Annie Macbeal worked with us for the past____months. Listed below are the wonders she ‘performed’ during her stint at XYZ Associates.

Wonder 1- Dress Code
Annie McBeal is the only person in office who wears jeans on a weekday. On other days she obliges the firm by wearing Indian formals. But in that she appears to the client like a social worker striving for the cause of the downtrodden and destitute and not like a hard core mercenary willing to help firangs sell nuts, bolts, lubricants, plastics in India. She still carries a ‘backpack’ in contrast to a boring ‘formal’ bag and wears ‘funky’ socks instead of classy silk stockings. Her hair is in dire need of an ‘iron’ or at least a comb.

Wonder 2- Body Language
Annie Mcbeal is the classic case of ‘rebel without a cause’. She looks like a college student who has still not left her ‘glorious’ past behind. Her sitting posture resembles a Ramdev aasan. In her first month at office, to show her displeasure at a delayed pay cheque, she broke a chair. She breaks into a jig on solving a query. A complete clean freak it is not surprising to see her frequently cleaning the keyboard, mouse and office stationery with sanitizing lotion. [Warning: She needs to seek medical help on this issue] She needs to hone her choice of mobile ringtones, ‘Sexy back’ is ‘cacophonous, jarring sound’ affecting the office environment (I know sexyback is now passé..but that’s till I get some time to download a more “cacophonous” sound).

Wonder 3- Work culture
Annie McBeal has absolutely no clue of what she is doing in office. Her knowledge of corporate law at present is zilch and we are not contemplating or expecting any change in this regard in the ‘far’ future either. She can draft something, however we attribute this to her excellent talent at ‘cut, copy, pasting’. She gets jittery on meeting a client and in the process manages to get clumsier. Her patent dialogue to client is ‘We will have to ask boss about this. We shall get back to you in some time’. All in all she is our Bridget Jones.

To conclude, it was a delight having Annie McBeal in our office and it is BIGGER delight NOT HAVING her in the office. We wish all her future bosses good luck and success in all their endeavors.


Sd/-
XXXXX
Partner

Rainy days are here again!!

"Rrain rrain go yaway
Come agyain anotherr day
Litttel Jhony waaants to playyy
Rrain rrain go yaway"

As a child i remember singing this rhyme (in that irritating voice and strong mallu accent-that explains the spelling) on a rainy day coz the rain ruined our evening play plans and we had to be content with indoor games. In school 'games' period became an extra-class period by the history teacher (of all the subjects HISTORY!!!). Folks would never allow me to get wet in the rain saying i would catch a cold. (if thats so then y didnt we catch cold wen we took bath under the shower!!!!). I hated wearing the raincoat, coz i thought it hid my curves (tho i didnt have any!). I wanted to carry an umbrella because all grown ups used an umbrella (i was 8 wen i thot this!)
Rainy season was something i wanted to enjoy sitting at home coz schools wud be shut for a day or 2, get wet, jump into the puddles of water and splash water on a newly painted wall (of course not ours, some others')- but cudnt coz it was banned by folks. So i would enjoy rain from my balcony with those few raindrops (which showed some mercy on me) falling on my outstretched little palm. (damn that parapet!!!!!) I was FORCED TO AVOID the rain.

"Raindrops keep falling on my head
But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turning red.
Crying's not for me
Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complaining.
Because I'm free. Nothing's worrying me."

In college, rain symbolised fun and romance (tho nt in my case sadly-the good (read stupid) mallu girl i am u see) , coz folks could no longer exert much control (mind u my folks r still very strict). Rainy meant teachers in no mood to teach and taking a walk in the rain with friends (some of them were given the much needed bath by mother nature herself) and yes ur heart would skip a beat wen u see the university heartthrob all wet and sexy(and for that moment the fact that he cant speak english and that he is just a gawar gaonwala doesnt matter-he still was the heartthrob as our univ lacked good choice). I once took a walk with my friends in the rain- walking wid that somebody who u think is secretly nursing feelings for u and suddenly the orange stain of the henna applied on my hair the previous day started draining and it resulted in orange spots on my my cream dupatta!!! [HOW ROMANTIC!!!!! and it also resulted in no more feelings being nursed]. I NO LONGER AVOIDED the rain.

At work, rain is taken in the same breath as traffic jam and boss' bad mood coz u jus cant save ur ass from it!!! Be it a 10km stretch traffic jam or ur assignment getting reviewed by boss wen his mood is at its foul-est peak or incessant rain- u still HAVE to be in office and show that pleasant face!! A rainy day means more stink in the bus, never ending traffic jam, overflowing gutters, multi-tasking trying to prevent ur umbrella from flying off and making sure that ur pyjama ends dont get wet (being all grown up i now carry an umbrella, but i realised that a raincoat is better!!!) and after all this battle sit freezing cold in the airconditioned office and finally catch that cold which ur folks always warned u abt. Now I WANT TO but CAN NO LONGER AVOID the rain!!!

"Rain rain go away
Come again another day
L'il Johny wants to play
Rain rain go away...."
These days i have resumed signing the same old rhyme, but the accent has changed- (its all the influence of Star TV!!)

From Walled City to Maximum City

2 months in Bombay and my good self can see the difference between saddi dilli and amchi mumbai. here are a few.....

1) first and foremost- I don't think I am short anymore! (the delhi crowd gave me a complex!)


2) fat aunties with low neck crepe suits and fatter uncles yapping in punjabi have given way to fit dada and dadis jabbering in marathi


3) neon colored polythene lifafas have been replaced by psychedelic prints- wali thaili


4) sweaters have given way umbrellas and rain coats


5) no more papdi chat, dahi bhalley, chole bhature, jus vada pav, pav bhaji, pav samosa, pav this, pav that


6) bbye golgappe, hello pani puri :~(


7) no more lecherous looking uncles, infact hardly any leching these days and a man to woman conversation happens eye to eye (thank god)


8) um still trying to find a woman who wears make up, as contrasted to the quintessential delhi woman with all the make up on her face 24/7


9) sleek metro is no longer a luxury, only ur local Mumbai local


10) we have gateway of India instead of India Gate

11) green colored CNG buses replaced by red colored BEST buses with all directions written in marathi except 'Purchase your ticket'


11) no more nosey neighbors or prying public, only the bindaas bombayite, who can be very impersonal at times


12) paneer has been elevated to the status of "Chef's Special" and so has its cost(!!)


13) I no longer begin my day hearing MC, BC and its cousins


14) I am learning to value time


15) I am enjoying the sense of independence that Mumbai has given me!!!!