On a nice August afternoon 3 years ago….

“Ok..so he is a CA very good…Christian…Roman Catholic..oh even better..so where is he working…oh IT company..hmmmm….not bad…ooh yes yes we know their relatives..very good people….but wait they are from from…WHAT!!...HE IS FROM KOTTAYAM!!!”

……..engaged tone……………


That was how the Big J entered our lives. A father’s second worst fear was coming true when he heard about a marriage proposal for his daughter from the Kottayam side* (the first being marrying a non mallu and/or non roman catholic). So much was Dad’s shock that he didn’t bother to ask the groom’s name or enquire about his family in that call!!! It has been over three years since u entered our lives ‘by law’ and have changed my sister’s and my sense of humour for the worse. Winning the hearts of all the ammachis with your ‘stuti kudukal’**, all the uncles by thrusting a drink in their hand and all the aunties by giving them compliments. And today I am using the ‘power of the internet’ to wish on your birthday cause next year u r officially going to be in ‘old’ men’s league!!!

Happy Birthday Dear Chettan….

Thank you*** for all the sensible advise on life and relations, all the Amsterdam trips, all the expensive shopping, all the confidence boosting sessions, all the ‘how-to-hook-a-guy’ lectures, all the pub hopping and ‘drink all nite’ outings, all the new words in my Malayalam vocabulary, all the ‘places’ I wanted to visit for my desire to be a ‘learned’ person (tho I am still no good)…and thank you for being a BROTHER and not just another BROTHER-IN-LAW….

(* no offence against the Kottayam dudes and dudettes, just another one of Dad’s pet peeves)
(** a Malayalee Christian style of greeting elders which is now not ‘cool’ enough for most of us to follow)
(*** half of the ‘thank you’ applies to your better half too)

Going Dutch on a Vicious Cycle

I always look forward to those trips to Chech’s place as the pleasure derived from shopping without looking at the price tags for a chronic miser like me is …well….cannot be expressed in words. This trip, being my 3rd in the last 3 months was extra-special, cause I was confident that I had made some progress on my ‘lose weight’ resolution. So after 4 weeks of jumping in aerobics sessions, running by the side of Thames (evoking laughs from ppl who saw fat girl running), trying to avoid looking at my favourite ‘chewy chocolate cookies’ in the supermarket, I looked forward to the moment when I will stand on the weighing scale and the needle will gladly deflect to the left from my previous weight, when I wear the much sexy outfit and not look outrageous, when I can finally get some looks from deserving men, when I will finally choose a design for the tattoo that I was chickening out all this while. This was also to be my ‘Binge Week’- so in comes the drinks, snack-in-betweens and out goes the salad! I also kept getting info that Chettan (brother-in-law) was also making plans for happening weekend.

With all this optimism I head to the airport. Travelling for the first time with my new reissued passport, the worst of my fears came true. Seeing the foto in my passport (where my look is heavily inspired by a cross of Veerapan and Amy Winehouse), I was escorted for ‘additional’ security checks. Now I am someone who ‘silently’ walks across the metal detectors till date & here I was standing in weird positions (eg standing like a lizard) in front of an invisible X Ray machine!!! Once the woman at the security desk learnt that 'they' are real (not fake as thought 'they' were) and not the new way to conceal ammunition, I was let off... So far so good- I touched Schipol, met Chech-Chettan. Okay so I was jealous seeing that Chech has also lost weight, but I was happy to know that my ‘size XXL’ cheeks where only ‘XL’ this time.

Scene I- After a dinner of pizza I complain of having too much carbs for a day, when I was suggested that I can go cycling. Cycling in Holland, that is like French kiss in France!!

Scene II- Next second, I am on the cycle, enjoying the Dutch scenery at night and burning all the carbs. We were looking for Chinatown to see the leftovers of the Chinese New Year celebrations and on one of the bridges, I am distracted by the looks of another cyclist crossing my path, wearing aviators at NIGHT!!...

Scene III- I am head over heels or rather ‘cycle’ over heels, shin, ankle, foot’

The passers by surround me, and a woman asks me – “have u broken anything or is it jus a sprain?” With all due respect lady- HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW!! A black ‘gentleman’ [I believe an Usher’s look alike] is lifting the jeans of my right leg, when I had hurt MY LEFT LEG!!! Soon the whole event sank in when Mr. Usher’s look-alike, with his hands stretched out in a chivalrous manner, told me- ‘If ya havent brok’n nythin’ then stan’ up, why yee sittin’ down’. I replied – I need sometime to come to terms with what jus happened and next second he vanished!! I wanted to tell him- dude your women are strong, but we Indian women take more than 45 seconds to come to out senses and STAND UP!!! So there went my "looks from deserving man"...

Scene IV- back at home and got to know that the ‘vicious’ cycle had made Chech also ill with ‘over cycling’. For her adventure click here. From then on it was a weekend when Chettan was taking care of 2 beautiful patients. Since I was ‘injured’, partying took a backseat and it was binging all the way- with comfort food like bakhlava, biryani, bbq flavoured chips, bacardi… :~(

But then I also cooked… (yes yes thats my creation..entry sent to Ripley's Believe it or not!)

Ate…






Drank…. (Chettan's Mojito-[read lemonade])





and with restricted mobility there is always ‘tomorrow’ to start exercising :~P


Scene V- The two sisters cast an evil eye on ‘healthy’ Chettan and he is now sitting with a football size foot!

PS: The last time I cycled was 15yrs ago, when I stopped cycling because I fell off the cycle!!

PPS: My Valentine's Day wishlist is out-

1) A cricket team-preferably the Mumbai team

2) 100 or more Reliance Power shares

3)Macbook Air

and no Tata Nano will not do.....